


colors of freedom.

by third_degree



Series: freedom is relative, we are eternal. [1]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Character Study, Family Angst, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pre-Canon, Relationship Study, jerza - Freeform, tower of heaven
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-10-17 14:48:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20622815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/third_degree/pseuds/third_degree
Summary: “There is no freedom in this world.”Freedom is far too relative; she may be away from the tower but that doesn’t mean she is free.-...Erza finds that even without chains on her wrists colors still keep her shackled to her past.(Part one of my freedom series- can be read stand alone)





	colors of freedom.

If you were to ask nearly any member of the Fairy Tail guild about the type of person Erza Scarlet is, you would almost always hear the same response.

A powerful mage that rivals one of the saints.

A girl with the aurora of a demon but a heart that holds no bounds.

Scary strong, passionate, and reckless- oh so very _reckless_.

But most importantly, a warrior set in her beliefs; some might even go as far as to believe she was born in the wrong age. 

Like a medieval knight, she lives by her values, a code of conduct she will uphold till her dying breath. She knows what and _who_ she fights for.

She protects her kingdom and those who reside in it with the bloodlust of a solider. 

She nurtures and loves her kingdom like a queen watching her people grow and prosper.

She has never been one to fall to the corruption of the promise of power. She doesn’t walk along the thin line between evil or good; even in the face of terror and death, she does not falter. She won’t bow down to false gods, nor does she ask for anyone to bow down to her.

All of these things are engraved in the scarlet haired mage, but yet no one seems to realize how _unsure_ she truly is. No one is aware of the nightmares that take up residence in her mind, dreams of chains on her wrists, fire burning her home, a vast sea filled with tears that burn open cuts.

Dreams of scarlet blood dripping down her face, clouding her vision.

Dreams of deep blue that keep her shackled to her past.

It’s on those nights that she finds herself unsure, weak, lost, and above all, scared.

_“There is no freedom in this world.”_

She hates that sentence, and she hates that it’s always playing in the back of her head.

She hates that she fought so hard to free everyone and he spit it back in her face.

She hates that he might be correct.

Freedom is far too relative; she may be away from the tower, but that doesn’t mean she is _free_.

It’s nights like these when she strips herself of her armor and looks at the bruises forming across her body that she realizes she is not truly free; the colors still hold her captive.

* * *

When Erza Scarlet first joined Fairy Tail she was closed off, a girl who knew evil better than she knew how to read. Call it trauma or the lack of innocence; the young girl saw no reason to interact with these people who welcomed her into their guild.

They were a family, not bound by blood but love and she understood that, she _had_ that.

She had a family like that, a little brother who looked at her like she was salvation and cried the tears she refused to shed.

A sister who would curl up into her chest when she slept and purred like a kitten. Small limbs grasping even smaller limbs, taking comfort in what little she could offer.

Another brother who teased her and filled the dark cell with laughter, a presence that shined light and warmth in their murky and cold world.

A protector who would make sure she ate and held her hand when she was shaking. A boy who symbolized the small village she once called home, the last piece of her childhood remaining.

A grandfather who tended to her wounds and told stories of magic and fairies, a grandfather who would eventually save her as she watched the life fade from his eyes.

She had a best friend, lover, confidant, a boy who she shed her tears to, a boy who named her and built her into the girl she is, a blue haired boy who holds her heart captive even oceans away.

She _had_ a family and _lost_ them. She had a village that was her family, people she knew her whole life, and watched it burn to the ground. Corpses of people she passed every day lining the ground, the store she bought daily milk from falling apart as orange flames engulfed it.

She had a family of scared and hungry slaves who knew they may never get to see the outside world again but banded together, loved each other with all they had, and watched it fade away from her sight. A tower she had her first kiss in as well as where she took her first life, tools and weak survivors coated in dirt and blood forever out of her reach.

A family miles away from this lively guild, that she may never see again, so as much as she appreciates the hospitality she is being shown (_and she really does, even though she doesn’t deserve such kindness, Erza was the lone survivor of a war she started, her purity washed away by seawater and whatever redeeming qualities she had left were crushed and buried beneath a tower across the ocean._) she has no desire to be a part of their family.

She won’t love another family just to lose it again.

So instead, she sits in the corner covered in cold silver metal and focuses on all the new colors in her line of sight.

Bright orange covering the dress of a young girl.

Forest green from some sort of leaf based food.

Yellow hair on an older boy across the room.

Light pink tinting the cheeks of a woman.

Blue shorts on a boy who keeps taking off his shirt.

All these new colors so bright and inviting. It feels so _wrong_.

The chestnut brown tables don’t have dark smudges coating the surface.

The silverware isn’t rusted over in the auburn color she is used to.

The orange is to soft, no tints of red like mixing in like fire.

The pink is light, fading in with skin tones, not defined like blood.

And the blue is the worst. It’s soft like the sky on a cloudless day, it doesn’t overwhelm your senses and swallow you whole.

It’s all so new and _bright_ and _sickening_.

For years she wanted to see these colors, coat herself in the warmth they give off, now here she is, and she hates it. It’s unfamiliar and what you don’t know can hurt you, and that’s scary, she promised herself she wouldn’t be scared again so she does the only thing she can-

she leaves.

Erza walks to the deepest part of the forest where the trees block out most of the light, where dirt lines the ground, brown and dirty. She digs her hands into it so it stands out against the light of her skin, punches the dark trees until scarlet blood runs down her hands matching her red locks. Sinking to her knees she looks at the hypnotic blue now taking residence upon her upper arm.

This makes sense, she knows these colors. A single tear runs down her cheek as memories play in her head.

* * *

_Scarlet blood runs down her knee as blue bruises start to form, covering her injuries, this isn’t anything new to see upon anyone wasting their life away in this tower. But for the first time Erza notices how the colors contrast against the typical dark browns and greys, red and blue, she likes that. _

_It doesn’t take long for Jellal to find her sitting against the stone wall silently inspecting the color mixing into her skin, he sits next to her and looks at her knee as well. Nether speak for minutes which isn’t uncommon for them. They don’t need words to be together. _

_“It’s like us, red and blue.” Erza breaks the silence first as she points to the bloody injury._

_“Then it will mix into purple and then disappear, fade away until all signs of it ever being there are gone. But you’ll still feel it; it will never be really gone. It’s always there, you just won’t see it.” He says interlocking her hands with his._

_Perhaps the conversation would be considered morbid anywhere else in the world, but in this hell they live in they’ll take what they can get. It’s not about merely inspecting injuries. They are looking at proof their still alive, they can bleed and heal just like anyone else. Red and blue, for better or for worse, Jellal and Erza fight to survive together._

_“Jellal?” She questions._

_“Yes?” _

_“If I ever fade away will you still find me? Even if you can’t see me?” She asks as she looks into his eyes, his tattoo stands out. _

_“Always, even if we are apart. We are connected Erza, forever.” He says as she rests her head on his shoulder. _

_“Forever.” She repeats._

_She isn’t sure how long they stayed that way, but days later the blue starts fading away, but the ache is still there, and at that moment, she knew he was right. _

An hour later, she stands up and starts walking back into town. Her knuckles are now sporting that same hypnotic blue she craves for and hates with a passion.

She doesn’t know what will come to pass in her new life, but at least she has one thing that will never change, and for now, that’s enough.

“Red and blue, forever huh.” She says into the wind, alone.

**Author's Note:**

> This series is something I have wanted to experiment with for awhile while I work on my current story (I tend to jump around when writing so this is a nice change.) 
> 
> The first few pieces of this series are going to be pre-cannon so Erza meeting Siegrain, her researching the R-system, and then we will move on to more Jerza centered chapters.
> 
> This series is mostly angst and then some romance (which will also be angsty since it's jerza) but otherwise it's a character/relationship study.


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